Things I learnt today.
That I don’t write nearly as many things as I could, am capable of, or should. That one of the reasons this happens is I figure it out and don’t particularly see the point of communicating it since what I do tend to write about is the end of the process, not the process itself. (As a consequence I get defensive and also bored when I see others being celebrated for doing what I irascibly think of as joining the dots, since it strikes me as bleeding fucking obvious, though apparently not to others.) Actually, I already knew this, but what I learnt today is that it is in my teaching, at both undergraduate, honours, and PhD levels, that an awful lot of my thinking out, through and processing happens. That if I wrote in a way that followed the ideas and connections I make with students (for for example a lecture is often a thinking out loud, in situ, from an idea as a prompt in what is an essayist form) then this would be useful for others, and productive for me.
My track record on translating that into action is very very poor.
That I had set aside time to go riding (that is cycling as in serious effort, so not a soft pedal along some bike path but I had envisaged 5+ hours), but with the temperature soaring dialled that back. Instead I got up, thought about the mountain of work I had, and found a reason not to ride. This has put me into a very poor mood. Completely of my own doing. It is a mix of none endorphins and so the mood swing that happens there, and also the guilt of not putting in the hours. This
cult guilt and loathing then easily infects the rest of my day. Net result? Saving time by not riding reduces my productivity for the rest of the day, and feel worse to boot. This is unhealthy, isn’t it?